Can't Have it All
by Shalla Bal
Summary: Set in the time period of "Threads." Sam struggles to convince herself that she should just be content with everything she already has in life rather than longing to be with Jack. She can't have it all...or can she? That question is answered when Jack shows up on her doorstep one night. A Sam/Jack romance filling in some of the blanks the show left unanswered.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Samantha Carter poured herself yet another cup of coffee and rubbed her forehead, trying to focus on the paperwork from the SGC that was spread all over her kitchen table. She couldn't sleep. She couldn't let herself think straight or she'd go a little crazy. So the only feasible solution was clearly the same one that had always clicked perfectly for her: to overwork herself into a comfortable mental glaze, obscuring her problems as best she could. Even this wasn't really working, possibly for the first time.

She stared down at her engagement ring and turned it a few times distractedly around her finger. Part of her wanted to yank it right off, to go tell Pete their marriage was never going to happen. It was the same part of her that had brought her over to Jack's house a few days ago, where she had been right on the verge of rather pathetically confessing her love to him when another woman, Kerry, had stepped out into the yard.

What an obnoxiously profound interruption. Now it was back to square one.

Jack had moved on. He didn't seem to be thinking of her romantically these days. Sure, he'd been there for her after her father had died, and it meant the world to her. But there was friendship and then there was love. Pete was a good man who offered her the latter, so who was she to deny herself and him that chance for happiness, all because of these nagging, never-ending doubts that hassled her day and night? She could have a fascinating and rewarding career filled with adventure, and she could have Jack's loyalty just as she had Daniel's and Teal'c's. Why wasn't it enough? Sam kept reminding herself that she couldn't have it all, but that never stopped her from wanting it anyway.

The knock that sounded at her door startled her out of her reverie. She glanced at the clock…it was past midnight. It must be an emergency…which alien enemy had reared its ugly head now? She went rushing over to the door and opened it to find Jack O'Neill standing there in the pouring rain, dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans. His eyes were swimming with some emotion she couldn't identify that struck her to the heart. But naturally, as always, his dead serious expression relaxed into a teasing smile.

"You look terrific," he remarked admiringly, raising his eyebrows at her attire.

Dammit! Sam glanced down at her white tank top and pink-striped sleep shorts. She wasn't even wearing a bra. Oops.

"Sorry, sir," Sam said, blushing. "It's late, you know. I was about to go to bed," she lied. Now was she crazy, or did that statement make Jack blush back a little bit? What was going on here, anyway?

"Not that I don't love an impromptu bath, Carter, but can I please come in?"

"Oh, sorry, sir," she said again, irritated with herself for knee-jerk apologizing to the man twice within a thirty second span. Why did he get under her skin and bring out this bizarrely submissive streak in her? The longer their lives stretched on without their ever getting together, which she was increasingly seeing as a waste of time, the more his effect on her made her angry. She'd spent enough time feeling like a lovelorn schoolgirl around Jack O'Neill. That had to end.

_Good luck with that_, she thought sardonically.

"Thanks," Jack said, stepping inside and looking around as if he'd never been there before. "Oh, you moved the couch," he observed pointlessly, turning a black baseball cap over and over in his hands.

"Is there a…uh, reason why you're here, sir?" Sam asked.

"Oh, good, coffee," Jack noticed, glancing towards the kitchen. "Can I have a cup?"

"Sure," Sam said, "Follow me." She thrust a mug into his hands and pointed at the pot, then sat on a stool in front of the island, propping her legs up on the adjacent seat. Resting her chin on her knee, Sam watched as Jack poured the dark liquid crookedly into his cup, almost spilling.

"Sir?"

"Carter?"

"It's 12:30am. What's going _on_?"

"Uhhh….." Jack stalled, running a hand through his damp salt and pepper flecked hair. He swallowed hard, downright staring at her as she sat there with her blue eyes turned upward at him imploringly. "I thought you said you were going to bed," he said, changing the subject. "Why the coffee?"

"I was up late working," she explained. "How about you? Why are you still out and about at this hour? What brings you here?"

"You look really pretty," he suddenly observed, "And I'm_ really _nervous."

Was he here to say what she thought he was? Sam's heart beat so hard she thought it would burst.

"Thanks, sir…but why are you nervous, and what's with the sudden interest in my appearance?" Now she was teasing _him_ a little bit, but he had it coming.

"I'm _always_ interested in your appearance, Sam," Jack said, his voice quiet and revealing. "And I think it's about time you stopped calling me sir."

Sam had waited years to hear him say that, but on the other hand, something about this random undoing of the boundary between them, rank, set off her temper. He could have done that at any time but had chosen not to until now, of all times.

"Oh, thanks, that's really big of you, _Jack_," Sam stated in a snarky tone.

"Oh," Jack gulped. "You're mad."

"That's right, I'm mad," Sam confirmed, standing up and getting right in his face. "For the thousandth time, what's this all about? Eight years we've been circling each other, me just hoping maybe someday you'd get your act together and make a move before we both slipped away from each other." Jack flinched, feeling the raw emotions of her words.

"And now, when I'm engaged to someone else and you're banging some CIA bimbo, suddenly you wanna show up on my doorstep soaking wet with your big brown eyes and your shaking hands and tell me I'm pretty and I don't have to call you sir?"

"I don't know if my favorite part of that sentence was "banging" or "CIA bimbo," Jack remarked, clearly a tiny bit amused by her even now. "And my hands aren't _shaking_." He put them behind his back anyway, though.

"Don't be condescending," Sam ordered. "You've got a hell of a lot of explaining to do."

"I know that," Jack admitted. "And Sam, I could never condescend to you in a million years. You're the most beautiful, tough, intelligent woman in the world. I'm lucky to get to interact with you every day, and I've acted like a complete moron since the day I met you."

Wow. Those words were like a massive water tower bursting out and drowning every iota of her anger.

"Continue," Sam said, her face easing into a smile that surprised her, but one she couldn't hold back. She crossed her arms, maintaining the pretense of confrontation.

"_Continue_?" Jack repeated incredulously. "That's all I get for that speech?" She shrugged and waited for him to keep talking. "Fine, I'll continue," he said huskily, taking her face into his hands and kissing her deeply.

Sam's body seemed to melt against him automatically, wanting to plaster itself to him and never let go. His tender, yet needy and increasingly aggressive kiss met an immediate reciprocation from her as she sighed, feeling herself floating somewhere far above reality as she'd always known it.

The cravings for each other they'd tried so long and hard to repress came rushing back at triple speed, more overwhelming and irresistible than ever. His hands began to run all over her upper body, slipping under her shirt to finger her bare back. She gasped at what ought to seem like an innocent enough move on his part. It was junior high dance level erotic, or should be, but instead the sensation of his finger on her skin ignited a fire within Sam she couldn't withstand. It had to be all that time she'd spent feeling that _any _physical contact between them was taboo.

"So," Sam whispered, biting his lip very lightly and enjoying the little start that went through Jack, "was there something else you wanted to tell me?"

"Yeah," Jack murmured, running his lips down her neck enticingly. "But my mind doesn't seem to be working very well right now. Or maybe it's just going a little crazy, you know?"

"I know," Sam smiled against his mouth, grabbing his hand and leading him to the living room. God knew how she was able to unpeel herself from him for even that long. She pushed him gently back onto the couch and sat beside him. Her libido was screaming obscenities of complaint at her for interrupting that encounter, but Sam still wanted full disclosure.

"Jack, why are you here?" She stared at him, her breath coming slightly raggedly, her skin buzzing with excitement.

"I'm here to tell you not to marry Pete," Jack stated simply.

"Because…" Sam prompted.

"Because I love you," Jack confessed, angst painting his features. "Isn't it obvious? Hasn't it always been obvious?"

"Yes! No! I don't know!" Sam laughed shortly, tears spilling out of her eyes, but she didn't feel embarrassed or even mind them. "And how long did you plan to wait for my psychic powers to kick in before you actually said something about it?"

"Aw, don't be like that," Jack pleaded. "You could've said something too, you know. And anyway, I _did_ tell you, four years ago, in front of Anise or Freya or whatever her name was. You know, the one with the slutty outfits and the intellectual jargon and the lie detecting, Goa'uld spy detecting super machine."

"And I admitted it back," Sam reminded him.

"Not in so many words," Jack insisted. "Why don't you say it now? Or don't you feel the same anymore?" Fear flickered in his eyes.

"I love you, Jack," Sam said softly, drawing closer to him and resting her legs in his lap as if it were the most natural thing in the world. His hands clasped them and his face reflected an immense relief at her words. "I always have," she added helplessly. "And from the way we just kissed, don't you think _that__'__s_ obvious?"

"Then why are you putting me through this interrogation?" Jack asked.

"Because I _was _mad," Sam replied, her voice breaking. "I needed to get it out of my system. Maybe it wasn't fair, expecting you to be the one to make the first move. We were both in this mess together from the beginning. From the first time I ever met you, I knew you were what I wanted."

"And now?" He bent his head so that their foreheads touched and she closed her eyes, slipping into contentment.

"It's only gotten _more_ true," she smiled, "But what about-" she drew back slightly - "'Kerry?'" Sam put finger quotes around the name.

"_Now _who's condescending?" Jack quipped. "You know, it was Kerry who smacked some sense into me - verbally, of course. She broke up with me and told me to be with you, all in one fell swoop. Smart lady."

"Oh," Sam said, feeling a bit sheepish about her instant resentment of Jack's most recent girlfriend. Kerry wasn't all bad after all.

"Hey," Jack said, "it's not like she was the one standing between us. What about Pete?"

"Well, I have to break up with him," Sam explained, "but I was gonna do that anyway. I just realized that."

"I see," Jack said, smirking as he sat back and stretched his arms behind his head proudly. Sam swatted him affectionately.

"Pete's a good guy, so try taking this more seriously. And anyway, it means you have to leave," Sam pointed out.

"What? Why? We waited all this time to be together…" Jack stroked her hair and looked into her eyes soulfully, temptingly. "And are you _not_ wearing a bra?"

"Get out," Sam laughed. "I mean it. It's not right for us to be together until I have a chance to break it off with Pete. Tomorrow."

"Call me tomorrow?" Jack asked quietly.

"You'll see me in a few hours at work," Sam reminded him.

"I know. Call me?"

"Of course," Sam agreed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sam was incapable of keeping a dopey smile off of her face the next day at work. She tried, she really did, but it kept coming back even more irrepressible than ever, and people were starting to notice. So much for day one of keeping her burgeoning relationship with Jack on the down-low. But, she had to ask herself, did they really think they could keep this from their teammates? Did they even want to?

Teal'c confronted her about it in the mess at lunchtime with a broad grin of his own, quietly watching her squash her blue jello with a spoon. "What?" Sam asked. "What are you smiling at?"

"Colonel Carter, is that not the question I should be asking you?"

"Well, things are going really well for me. I'm having a nice day," she said vaguely.

"I have observed your reticence to actually consume your meal, though you have toyed with each item on your plate in an uncharacteristically distracted manner," Teal'c noted. "If I may say, I am merely pleased to see you so happy, whatever the cause. However, you will require sustenance to continue your day."

"True," Sam agreed, paying more attention to her food and reaching for the sandwich she'd left basically untouched a few minutes before. "And thanks, Teal'c. For being happy for me, and for not prying."

"Colonel Carter, far be it for me to venture into your private concerns in an overly inquisitive manner. However, I must observe that I do not believe your jubilation to be a result of your planned nuptials with Pete Shanahan." Teal'c stood with his empty tray and prepared to leave. Sam stared up at him, almost choking on chicken salad.

She swallowed cautiously and got out, "How do you know that?"

"Because he never made you smile in this way," Teal'c concluded, as if he could not have been more certain or pleased. He totally _knew_. In some ways, Sam had long suspected that Teal'c was not only aware of the feelings between herself and Jack, but was also rooting for them. It just went to show the depth of the friendship they all shared.

Across the table, Daniel was lost in his own little world, pushing potatoes around on his plate and thinking deeply.

"Sam, what do you think it all means?" Daniel asked.

"Well, I mean…I guess, when it comes to me and Pete, I—"

"Not that," Daniel interrupted, waving her words off. "I already know I'll never understand anything about love."

"You did once," Sam offered gently, "With Sha're."

"That's why I'll never understand," Daniel explained. Sam went and sat in the chair beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

"There is something different about you today, though," Daniel observed shrewdly, cracking a smile of his own.

"Maybe so," Sam replied, "But then what did you mean by 'what does it all mean'?"

"Oh, I was thinking about life, death, Ascension, Ancients purgatory, Anubis being half-Ascended and me dying and coming back so many times. What's that gonna do to my soul? Am I even really human anymore?"

"You're human," Sam assured Daniel. "One of the best humans I know."

"Back at you," Daniel told her warmly, their comforting chat breaking through the melancholy that had pervaded his mood. "And by the way, Sam, I might not know anything about romance, but when it comes to you and Jack…"

"What?" Sam asked, in suspense to know his opinion.

"Go for it."

When she got back to the lab, Sam decided to continue doing just that. She picked up the phone and dialed that all-too-familiar number. When Jack answered, he just said "hey," very simply.

"Hey," Sam answered, that silly smile coming back full force. "I'm just calling you, as requested, Sir."

"I told you to quit calling me that," Jack reminded her.

"We're at the SGC, sir," Sam explained, "so we have to..." she lowered her voice, "keep up appearances."

"I don't care about that anymore," Jack said, "but you're right, until I'm outta here, we're going to have to keep them up for your sake."

"Out of here?" Sam asked, confused.

"Yeah, I'm retiring," Jack clarified, so casually, like it was nothing.

"What?" She was astonished. "Why?"

"So that I can be with you," Jack revealed bluntly. The world went out of focus. Sam's heart thudded relentlessly in her ears. The words he said after that sounded a bit distant to her.

"You know," she heard him explain, "I can still be involved with the Stargate program in a diplomatic capacity and all."

Sam stood up instantly and dropped the phone into the cradle, where it landed with a crooked slam. She could just imagine Jack sitting there saying "hello, hello?" and wondering where she went. Well, this couldn't wait another minute.

She went speed-walking through the halls until she got to his office, where she thrust the door open and closed it behind her, meeting his eyes as he looked up from the phone that still lay in his hand.

"Sam," Jack remarked in surprise, standing to greet her as his whole face lit up. She went hurtling into his arms and pressed her mouth to his passionately, loving the feeling of his arms going around her tightly, his hand rising to hold the back of her head as their kiss deepened.

"We're at work," he murmured, pulling back only slightly. "Isn't this kind of an issue for you?"

"I don't care about that anymore," Sam explained, parroting his words from a few minutes before.

"Why not?"

"Because you just told me that you're willing to leave this job to be with me. I would never ask you to do that in a million years."

"You don't have to ask me to do it, Sam. I _want_ to. I waited long enough to be with you, dammit, and nothing's gonna stop me now. You don't know how many times I've thought about just quitting over the years, only so that I could hold you like this. In fact, one time, I actually did it."

"_What_?" Her face registered utter incredulity.

"Yeah, remember that time loop we had a while back? Forget it, long story."

"Right," Sam smirked. "You don't seriously think I'm not going to want to hear _that _story at some point very soon."

"Okay," Jack agreed, stroking her face, "I think we have a lot to talk about anyway. No reason we can't include that tale."

"I don't want you to give anything up for me," Sam said softly. "How is that fair?"

"I'll always be around," Jack reminded her, "This just gives me a little freedom in my personal life. We won't share a chain of command anymore."

"I know," she observed, "But Jack, a diplomatic position? You hate that stuff."

"Maybe I used to," he admitted. "But you know what? I'm not half bad at it. I did a hell of a job with that Goa'uld treaty conference that the Asgard set up, right?"

"You mean the one where Nirriti almost murdered Cronus on our watch and pinned it on Teal'c? When we almost had the Goa'uld fleet attacking Earth for our troubles?"

"Yeah, but we_ didn__'__t._ We came out of that just fine," Jack's proud smile flooded her heart with happiness. His being sincerely self-congratulatory was so rare that it always overjoyed her.

"You did good," Sam confirmed, kissing him again, loving that she could, that they were suddenly and inextricably so close.

"Well, Thor thought I would make a good negotiator, so who am I to disagree?" Jack had a point there. Arguing with Thor's point of view was a fool's gambit.

"Thank you," Sam told him, the words sounding so feeble in trying to encompass the immensity of what he was doing for them.

"Anytime," Jack replied, leaning in to kiss her again. But a knock at his door made them step back. "We'll have to continue this later."

"Sir," Sam said with new urgency, signaling her switch back into formal mode, despite the intimate undercurrent of the reasons why she was about to make a certain request. "Permission to leave the base for a short while?"

"You have no scheduled missions, Colonel Carter," Jack pointed out, "And innumerable unused paid leave hours. Take the rest of the afternoon off."

Sam nodded. After hearing what Jack had just said, she'd never felt more clear or ready to take action. It was time to go talk to Pete. She didn't want to live another second with the sad obligation weighing on her or delaying her from being with Jack.

"Oh, and Sam?" Jack called as she started to leave. She turned back briefly, smiling in anticipation.

"I'm taking you out tonight," he announced.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"I'm so sorry, Pete," Sam said softly, placing her hand over her former fiancé's and hating that she had to inflict such pain on him. They were sitting out in front of the house he'd planned to buy for them, which made the break-up even more painfully awkward. However, and Sam realized now that she'd felt this way ever since he'd told her about the house, Pete had completely rushed into this and basically dragged her along. Maybe she would have wanted to help pick out her own house? There was no point bringing up any of the problems between them now, as she was hurting him enough by breaking his heart. And anyway, it wasn't as though Pete's tendency to make decisions on both of their behalves was the real reason why it could never work between them.

Almost as if he was reading her mind, Pete spoke up, drawing his hand back as his eyes flashed with bitterness. "It's _him_, isn't it?"

"What?" Sam asked, taken aback.

"It's that...Jack O'Neill." Pete ascertained the truth by the change that came over Sam's face when he said the words. She was too naturally sincere to conceal it. "I knew it!" Pete said darkly, standing up and pacing around in what would never be their front yard. "From the first time I ever saw the two of you together, I just _knew_ there was something going on there."

"We never did anything about it, if that's what you mean. I would never have cheated on you," Sam explained.

"You never did anything about it, _until now_," Pete clarified.

"Until now," she admitted, blushing.

"You know, I'm not an idiot, Sam. I realized all along that there was this whole part of your life I would never be able to share with you. The crazy job with all the danger and secrecy, the way it just consumes your soul and leaves you with so little of yourself to give to anyone or anything else. I kind of suspected that it wasn't just the job that was doing that to us, keeping us from ever really getting as close as we should be. It was so easy to lie to myself, thinking it was the job, not that you were in love with another man." Pete finished his speech and waited for Sam to make some reply. She had no idea what to say.

"Pete, I hate that it took me this long to be honest with myself. I should never have let our relationship get so serious."

"You're damn right, you shouldn't have. And I shouldn't have either."

Sam opened her mouth to apologize again, but felt that she was starting to get sick of repeating the words. Pete stalked off and ripped the "Sold" magnet off of the real estate sign in front of the house.

Well, that had been terrible. But now it was over, and Pete could move on, find love with someone else who could give their whole heart.

Now Sam could move on, too.

When evening fell, she changed into a white sundress with a light blue floral pattern and sat out on the front porch, anxiously awaiting Jack's arrival. They hadn't made any particular plans aside from just going out together, but there wasn't anything that was more exciting to her than that simple prospect.

His truck pulled up and her heart leapt. Sam tried to keep her nerves under control, but she'd waited so long to be with Jack that the anticipation was now ramped up to an overwhelming intensity.

He strode up the front walk, clean-cut and handsome in a navy blue button-down shirt and tan slacks, saying not a word until they were standing face to face. Then Jack just said quietly, "Hi, Sam."

"Hi," Sam answered with a grin.

"Shall we go?" Jack suggested, and she followed him to the truck, where he opened the door. She slid into the passenger seat, loving the smell of his aftershave that hung in the air.

"So where are we going?" Sam inquired.

"Um. I don't know," Jack admitted, turning the key. "I was going to ask you that. I mean, I feel like maybe we should hit one of those fancy-schmancy restaurants where they give you servings of food too small to satisfy a baby squirrel..."

"But?"

"But, do you really like those kinds of places?" Sam could tell that _he_ didn't, though he wanted to make her happy by taking her somewhere special for their first date.

"Let's go to a bar," Sam put in. Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise. "_But,_ a nice bar," Sam added. "I know a good one."

"Colonel, you are just overflowing with surprises," Jack observed.

"You love it," Sam laughed.

"Yeah, I really do," he confirmed, taking her hand. She loved the warm interlocking of their fingers, erasing the residual angst of all those years full of enforced detachment between them.

Fifteen minutes later, they were sitting in a round booth in a darkened, quiet bar with a French theme that Sam had always found charming. The bar and tables gleamed with perfectly polished, immaculate wood, and the menu featured plentiful portions of food that was high in quality, but thoroughly pronounceable in name. A soft, golden light shone subtly from hanging lamps, and music played, ranging from classic rock to indie pop and beyond. Turning her glass of wine around in a circle in front of her, Sam watched Jack pick up his craft beer and examine its label minutely.

"So," he finally ventured, "how was the rest of your day?"

"It was hard," Sam revealed. "Pete knew all along...that I had feelings for you."

"Really?" Jack said incredulously. "And we thought we were hiding it so well all that time."

"I guess not," Sam confirmed, nodding in a strange combination of melancholy and joyful contemplation. "Why _did_ we wait so long, Jack?" Her eyes turned pleading, searching for answers that might not be findable.

"Oh, there were a lot of reasons, Sam," Jack replied earnestly. "Sometimes I think we just used rank as an excuse."

"I've thought about that, too," Sam said reflectively. "Maybe I was just too insecure to confront the issue, or afraid of rejection...worse, afraid that if you did feel the same, it might not work out. And then what would happen to the team?"

"Rejection was never a possibility, just FYI," Jack informed her, drawing closer and looking deeply into her eyes. "Sam, there were different issues on my side. After what happened with Charlie..." He took a deep breath and Sam cupped his face in her hands.

"You don't have to talk about that if you don't want to," she assured him.

"I _do_ want to...I need to. After Charlie, after what happened with my marriage...how everything fell apart...I didn't think I deserved to love anyone again. I knew I didn't deserve you. I couldn't. Awful things happen to people when I get close to them, and I didn't want to do that to you."

Everything Sam knew about the man told her what a huge step it was for him to share this with her. When it came to his tragic past, Jack didn't open up to anyone.

"No one deserves love more than you," Sam told him, tearing up. "I promise. And you can take my word for it, 'cause I'm sort of the expert on that."

One of the qualities she'd always loved most about Jack was how humble he was. It went along with how breathtakingly honorable he was. But she saw more to it, how he used humor or evasiveness to deflect anyone's attempts to praise him or make acknowledgement of all the good he did for the world. Now she saw the underlying reason for his low regard for himself, or refusal to accept that he was worthy. After his son's death, it stood to reason that Jack had been a broken man. In rebuilding himself, there were some aspects that just hadn't come back together quite right.

"Thanks for being...you," Jack said, gulping back waves of emotion.

"I'm lucky to know you, Jack O'Neill." Sam's eyes shone with the depth of a devotion that no longer had to remain unspoken. Jack couldn't quite form a reply to that, but just stared at her intently.

"You wanna dance?" he asked her suddenly. Sam looked around, startled by his shift in topic.

"No one else is dancing," she noted.

"So?" He smirked challengingly at her.

"Good point," Sam agreed, extending her hand to him as she stood. As they turned slowly to the romantic, languorous song that seemed to know volumes about the emotions that intertwined them, Sam rested her head against Jack's shoulder while his hold on her tightened.

"Can we talk about this dress?" Jack murmured sexily in her ear, sending a chill down her spine.

"Do you like it?"

"What do you think?" Jack ran his hands up and down her back, feeling the soft cotton of her dress as the world seemed to slip away somehow until there were only the two of them, dancing. "This is the best date ever," he mused, content.

"Come on," Sam joked, "you must have been on plenty of dates since I met you. You were single and free..."

"And lonely and miserable and thinking about you constantly," Jack elaborated. "I haven't been on any other dates with the one I wanted to be with."

"Me either," Sam agreed. "But I think this date could get even better."

"Are you going where I think you're going with this?"

"Back to your place," Sam whispered, "Now."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

"Can I get you anything?" Jack asked when they had entered his house and he'd put his keys down on the kitchen counter. He put his hands in his pockets and avoided her eyes, trying as ever to cloak his nervousness, his vulnerability, with humor. "Beer? Chinese food leftovers? I think I still have some of those cookies that Teal'c made."

Seeing right through his defenses, Sam still had to laugh. Jack had always been able to bring out a giggle from her in the unlikeliest of situations, something no one else could do.

"Those cookies were terrible," Sam reminded him.

"Yeah, I know, but...he's trying."

"Jack." Sam stepped close to him and tipped his face towards her so their eyes met. In his gaze, she saw the fear of giving into the tide of emotions and desires he'd stifled for so long. She knew the fear because she'd felt it. The worry that she could be irreparably scarred if it didn't work between them. He had the power to obliterate her heart if he chose. The anxiety surrounding such an absolute surrender. Yes, Sam had gone through all of those feelings and felt their desperation eat her up inside until she didn't know where to turn. But now, the fear was gone from her altogether.

"I don't want you to hold anything back from me now," Sam charged him, "or ever again."

Jack understood her request, as the earnest look he gave her clearly confirmed. She needed him to let his walls come down for her, finally, just as she'd always dreamed he might. And in the aftermath of this giving in, she wanted him to show her just how much he wanted her, so that she could, at last, feel the full, unfettered strength of his love.

He nodded and waited just one more agonizing beat before his lips crashed into hers and he drew her into his arms with all notion of holding back instantly and seamlessly abandoned. Sam felt herself come alive more achingly with every hot, relentless kiss as Jack backed her against the counter and then pulled her dress over her head.

Sam moaned as the intensity of her need to be with him completely made itself urgently apparent, feeling the same from him as his body pressed into her scantily clad form. Within seconds, she was sitting on the counter with her back to the cabinets, her legs wrapped around his waist. Boldly, she reached out and unbuttoned his shirt, feeling with each delicious moment the continued shock of doing such a previously scandalous thing. As impossible as Sam had once thought all of this to be, it was really happening.

Jack pinned her arms above her head for a moment, making her gasp with pleasure at the thought of him in control of her. She had to admit to herself, finally, that this idea had always turned her on. But it was that she had the power to let him take that role, furthering the trust and intensifying the bond between them, that made the moment so awe-inspiring.

"Yes," she whispered, letting him know how much she wanted, _needed _him to continue and take it further. He kept one hand over her wrists and used the other to unclasp her bra, then caressed her tantalizingly before letting his fingers drop lower. Sam bit her lip as an unbelievable wave of passion washed over her, still craving him more, closer, longing for him to possess her entirely.

Jack lifted her easily and she kissed him once more as he carried her into the bedroom using more instinct than eyesight to get them to his bed. Then there could be no further waiting to take it as far as it could go, and beyond. As Sam felt the extent of his ardor eclipse every impediment that had ever kept him from expressing his love to her, she sank helplessly into a fathomless ocean that engulfed her. She wanted to stay right there, under his exquisitely demanding thrall, forever.

Hopelessly entangled, they lay getting their breath back for a while afterwards. Then Jack spoke up, asking, "You want some eggs?"

"Yeah," Sam said, sitting up, "we forgot to eat, huh?"

"So we did,"Jack grinned, kissing her hand rather gallantly.

"Let's go," Sam winked. "I think I can help you with your famous omelet." She stood and pulled on a white t-shirt that lay atop a basket of clean laundry at the end of the bed. Jack grabbed a pair of boxers for himself and shook his head at her. "You're going to get us both in trouble dressed like that."

"Maybe I _like_ trouble," Sam suggested teasingly.

"_That_, Colonel, is something I noticed upon our first meeting, and I couldn't be happier to continue investigating the matter."

In the kitchen, Sam chortled at Jack's confused reaction to the concept that there were other items to include in an omelet besides eggs and beer. After a satisfying western scramble had been consumed enthusiastically, the phone rang.

"You get that," Sam said, "I'm going to take a shower."

As she padded off, barefoot, down the hall, she heard Jack call after her, "_that's _not distracting!"

Then he said "_Hel_lo!" into the phone with typical swagger.

When Sam emerged a few minutes later wrapped in a towel, Jack pointed his finger at her accusingly, saying again, "_Distracting_."

"Who was on the phone?," she asked, curious, resting her chin on her hands as her leaned her elbows on the counter.

"The Pentagon," Jack revealed, running his hand through her damp blonde hair and then down her cheek. "I've set up a meeting for tomorrow afternoon. My flight leaves first thing in the morning. Time to get this retirement show on the road and see what my options are regarding my future career."

"Wow," Sam smiled, "how proactive."

"Did you think I was kidding before? I'm doing this, for real. For us."

"You're proud of yourself, aren't you?" Sam smiled, thinking it looked great on him.

"Damn right I am," Jack replied, "I'm proud of you, too. Always." Her heart skipped a beat at the way he said that last word. He'd uttered it as well when she'd thanked him for staying with her during her father's final hours. Now Sam knew he meant it more deeply than she'd dared to hope.

"So, I guess you'd better get a good sleep tonight," Sam suggested wryly.

"Why does that just seem so _phenomenally _unlikely?" Jack asked, folding his arms across his bare chest. She couldn't get enough of how great he looked standing there, and widened her smile to tell him so.

"I think you know why," Sam suggested, heading back to the bedroom.

"Is that so?" He inquired, trailing her.

She turned back and nodded, stating very distinctly, "Yes, Sir."

"Aww, now you're just _messing _with me," Jack complained merrily, running at her with no warning and scooping her up so fast it took her breath away. She laughed and fell blissfully down with him onto the bed, where matters soon shifted to become quite serious indeed.

"Really," Sam advised a while later, "Go to sleep."

"You'll stay here?" Jack asked, his voice getting as drowsy as Sam felt.

"Always," Sam murmured, snuggling up to him and drawing the sheets around them. As she drifted into a peaceful sleep, she wondered why she had ever doubted that they would get here. Now there could be no question that she'd always believed in herself and Jack, that they belonged together. Samantha Carter, ace scientist, putting all of her faith in love and destiny without admitting it to herself. She thought there was a certain poetic absurdity about that which was, like everything else about finally being with Jack, perfect.


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue

Two years later

Sam slid into the government car beside Jack, enjoying his liberally admiring and suggestive look at her black evening gown.

"What are you smiling at?" she asked. "You hate these formal events."

"Colonel, need I remind you that I am a highly successful diplomatic negotiator who has facilitated many a treaty between Earth and alien species, bringing peace and solidarity to the planet?"

"Why stop there?" Sam smirked. "You solve the whole universe on a daily basis."

"There wouldn't be a universe to solve if it weren't for you," Jack replied as he drew her close. Sam eyed the partition that shielded them from the driver's view.

"We won't even make it to the party at this rate," Sam warned him.

"I hate these formal events," Jack retorted, pressing his lips to hers and running his hand up her skirt to grasp her thigh, getting those butterflies spiraling in her stomach all over again.

"I love that full dress uniform," Sam murmured between kisses, referring to the stiff attire he ceaselessly complained about being forced to don. "So many...medals..."

"I love this whole thing you have going on," Jack said, playing with the clip that held back her now longer hair until it all went tumbling down around her shoulders.

"Now look what you did," Sam accused, her cheeks flushing at the arousal in his eyes. She was constantly amazed at the potent effect he still had on her and how the passion between them just seemed to burn brighter every day.

The driver knocked on the partition politely to indicate that they'd reached their destination.

"If we must," Jack groaned, regretfully pulling Sam's dress back down over her knees

"We can continue this conversation later," Sam said playfully, deciding to leave her hair the way it was. She hardly ever had a chance to leave it down, anyway.

Sam threaded her arm through Jack's as they entered the hotel lobby and were ushered through to a ballroom densely populated by high ranking officials from the government as well as the SGC. This was a charity function to raise money for a foundation Jack had started, one that provided help to children left orphaned by Ori attacks. Since the Ori had arrived on the scene with their decidedly un-hallowed and quite villainous selves wreaking new havoc, Sam and Jack's lives had followed in the chaotic wake of their mischief.

After Jack's retirement, he and Sam had moved in together quickly, and had talked distantly, wistfully, of marriage, though another adventure or diplomatic deal for Jack to broker always seemed to get in the way of solidifying their wedding date. Now, despite her happy glow to be out on the town with Jack, Sam was also troubled by a new conundrum.

Recently, she'd been asked to take a post in Atlantis...actually, she'd been asked to head up the team there, an exceptionally intriguing opportunity, and one she might have jumped at with more immediate enthusiasm...if it weren't for the fact that it required her to leave Jack and her life here, at least for the time being. The thought of being so far away from him made her miserable even in theory, yet she'd strived her whole career towards such an immense opportunity. What was she supposed to do?

Of course, Jack hadn't pressured her at all. He wanted her to do whatever would make her feel most fulfilled, and didn't want to hold her back from this chance to explore all the mysteries that waited in Atlantis. Part of her wished that Jack would just say what he really felt, whatever it was. Okay, all of her wished it.

Jack was dragged away by some foreign dignitary and Sam was left chatting with General Landry, though her mind was miles away from the cordial chitchat about SG1's latest journeys and the follow-up plans thereto. Where was her life going? What was she going to do about this offer?

Her eyes flitted up randomly and locked on Jack's as he stood at some distance still talking with the dignitary. That magical chemistry flickered up between them instantly, taking her breath away just as it had the first day she'd met him. She recalled when he'd stood up at that conference table, so proud, condescending, dismissive...but she could see through his veneer to who he was underneath. A tortured soul and a fragile heart seeking redemption. Now he'd long since found it, and then some. An interesting look crossed Jack's features presently as he regarded her. His expression seemed to shift gradually from questioning to realization, though Sam couldn't imagine what he'd suddenly hit upon. She smiled curiously at him as he began to approach, striding faster the closer he got.

"I'll take it from here, Hank," Jack remarked boldly, taking Sam gently by the elbow and leading her off in the opposite direction.

"Where are we going?" Sam inquired, tripping along in her high heels, perplexed by his urgency.

"This'll do," Jack announced, happening upon a small, cozy lounge area adjacent to the lobby that was completely abandoned.

"For what?" Sam asked, taking his hands and scanning his face. "Jack, what's got you so spooked all of a sudden?"

"I was just looking at you from across the room, and I couldn't believe how gorgeous you were," Jack explained, making her blush again. "From a few feet off, I was too far away from you. I couldn't stand it. But I could close the distance within seconds, and there we were, together again. Here we are."

"What are you saying?" Sam asked tremulously, her heart pounding at his implication.

"I'm saying that I got spooked by the idea that you might go somewhere incredibly far away from me and I wouldn't be able to be with you, to touch you, to hold you, for weeks or even months."

"Jack, I..."

"Just let me finish," he implored, his voice wavering and dropping to a near-whisper.

"Sam, don't go to Atlantis."

"What?" She had never expected him to speak so fervently in opposition to the possibility.

"Stay here," Jack pleaded. He lowered himself to one knee and stared up at her as the world seemed to freeze. Still holding her hand, he fished something out of his pocket and held it to her. A ring. A beautiful diamond ring.

"Marry me," he said, "Let's set the date, for real. Hell, screw it, let's head to Vegas right now and seal the deal. I'm 100% serious."

Sam laughed at his impetuous suggestions, but knew the basis of what he was saying couldn't possibly be more sincere. Leave it to Jack O'Neill to make her giggle and cry at the same time during his proposal. All at once, she didn't know what she had ever been thinking, even considering the Atlantis post.

"Yes," she breathed, exuberant, as he put the ring on her finger and she sank to the floor in front of him, clutching him in disbelief. "Jack, this life I have with you...our life, the one we've built together, finally being with each other these last couple of years - I wouldn't trade it for anything. I couldn't."

"Well, that's a relief," Jack admitted, collapsing into a sitting position as she did the same.

"I'll never leave you, Jack," Sam promised. When it came down to it, she wanted him to know this - desperately wanted to assure him of the honest truth of those words. He'd lost so much in his life, but she would always be with him.

"Thanks," he murmured, holding her, overwhelmed with emotion. He must have been so worried that she was going to leave, but he'd hid it as long as he could to give her room to make up her mind, until he couldn't take it anymore. Truth be told, she didn't think she'd ever have summoned the strength to force herself to what once would have been her dream job. She was glad he'd lost patience with the notion. So had she.

"You know," Jack resumed, a glint of humor returning to his eyes inevitably, "I meant it about Vegas. But maybe we should just bring the whole gang. You, me, Teal'c, Daniel, Vala, Mitchell, Landry…"

"Why?" She asked, giving in to the gag.

"Because Teal'c is dying to meet Elvis. You know this, Sam. Come on!"

"Well, seeing as those Elvises are all impersonators, I think it would only disillusion him," Sam replied with a grin. "So how about a real, old-fashioned church wedding with everyone there?"

"We can do that. Even if I do have to wear a tux," Jack mused.

"Especially because you have to wear a tux. Let's do it soon, Jack. I don't want to put it off anymore."

"Then we won't," Jack agreed, resting his head against hers as she nestled into his shoulder.

And they didn't. Predictably, the wedding about a month later was as quirky, thanks to the guest list, as it was sweepingly romantic, thanks to the bride and groom. During the reception, the core group of friends gathered outside, under the stars, staring up at the endless sparkling realm where they lived so much of their lives.

"Do you ever find it odd, being on the other side like this? Down here on the ground?" Vala mused in a moment of rare reflectiveness.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed. He was shifting from foot to foot, doing all he could to hold back from wrapping an arm around Vala's shoulders.

It's just a matter of time, Sam thought with a smile, recognizing the all-too-familiar battle of the wills between Daniel's head and heart where Vala was concerned. She also knew that in the midst of such a delicious build-up of romantic possibility, resistance was pointless. Jack had taught her that.

"Oh, I don't know," Jack remarked, "Earth still feels like home to me."

"Speak for yourself," Vala put in wryly.

"Indeed," Teal'c added, raising an eyebrow.

"I feel like I just put down roots for the first time in my life," Sam said, linking fingers with Jack. "But I can still fly." She looked up at the night sky and then back over to her husband, who was just as dashing as she'd expected in his groom's tux. He smiled at Sam with such an expression of complete peace that her heart flooded with joy.

"That must be a nice feeling," Mitchell observed, still searching the heavens for answers, his hands hooked in his pockets as he scanned the view above them.

That's putting it lightly, Sam thought, then she said, "Go on back in, Cam. The bridesmaids are looking for you."

"That they are," Mitchell drawled, turning to go.

"I believe I shall partake of the open bar," Teal'c determined. "O'Neill, as your best man, It is my duty to inform you that you and Colonel Carter must soon cut the cake."

"Thanks, Teal'c. I'd just like a few minutes alone with my bride in the meantime," Jack answered. Teal'c nodded sagely and departed.

"And that's your cue to ask me to dance," Vala informed Daniel.

"I don't want to dance," Daniel argued feebly.

"Yes, you do," Jack interposed. He clapped a hand on Daniel's shoulder and smiled warmly. "Trust me, man. Life is too short." Daniel frowned thoughtfully, then shrugged and followed Vala.

"So, Mrs. O'Neill," Jack began once he and Sam were alone.

"So," Sam replied, leaning into his embrace, "husband."

"That is one hell of a dress," Jack stated, staring at Sam in the downright princessy, strapless confection she'd unexpectedly fallen in love with.

"Thanks," Sam replied. "I can't wait to get into my pjs later, though."

"You still have that little pink and white number from the night I came by to confess my love?" Jack asked.

"You know I do," she grinned, thinking how different and crazily bleak life had seemed before they'd talked that evening.

"Yes, I do. Well, Sam, what do you think? You're married, you're about to go on a honeymoon to a scenic cabin near a lake utterly packed with fish, and when you get back, you'll be going off on yet more intergalactic journeys to save the world. Any further requests?" Jack's question only emphasized the truth Sam knew all too well.

"I don't need anything else," Sam decided, looking up into Jack's loving eyes and glancing back at their friends, who were heading back inside to cause mischief, each in their own inimitable way. "I think I've finally got it all."


End file.
